Children's greed. How to teach a child to share toys? What to do mom when a child is not divided toys until what age the child does not share toys

Familiar situation in the playground. Little Masha is trying to pick up his doll from Fauchely assigned her girls, and Mom's car reads notations: "Ay-ah! How not good! Need to share! " Along the way he hangs on the daughter the label of the thumbs. We, adults, are usually approving: they say, well done Mom, the right thing teaches a child. Acknowledge, I myself looked at the little "Zhadin" with indignation and was very proud when my child easily shared toys. But, after reading the post of one mother, I changed the look at things.

Alanya Kolberg walked with the son of Carson in the park. Other boys suddenly scored. They immediately began to poke his transformer and truck from Carson. The kid was confused, and when the children began to pull hands to toys, pressed his good to his chest and looked at the mother.

"You can tell them" no, "said Alanya. - Just say no. " And you can not explain why. "

Carson said "no", and the boys began to complain about his mother's boy.

Photo Facebook / Alanya Kolberg

The woman immediately felt the outrageous views of other parents. She decided to answer them on her Facebook page.

"If I, adult, walking in the park, I will eat sandwich, is I obliged to share my food with strangers who rest near? Not! Will raised adults pull hands to my sandwich and offended if I refuse them? Again - no.

So who of us do not have enough education: me and son or to you who are indignant and consider us rude? A person who does not want to give his toys to strangers, or strangers who require things that do not belong to them, even if their owner is obvious to? "

Alanya is sure: you need to teach children from the small years to behave in an adult.

"I meet so many people who do not know how to say" no ", shy to install boundaries, cannot stand up for themselves. And I am one of them. Remember that we do not live in the world where you need to give everything you have, just because you were told to do so. "

At the same time Alanya assures her son knows how to share. After all, he brought all toys for his little acquaintance - wanted to make a surprise girl.

Photo Facebook / Alanya Kolberg

For a few days, the post Alanya gathered hundreds of thousands of views and likes.

"How many people suffer because they cannot say" no "," people wrote in the comments.

"If we teach children to behave in an adult, you need to teach them to take the word" no "and understand that no one needs anything."

"It is so important - to teach children to respect their opinion and personal space. We speak our children: "No one has the right to touch you if you don't want it." And at the same time, forcing them to kiss a pretty aunt on family holidays. Here we send such mixed messages to children, suppressing them. I am glad that you give your son the right to use your "no" without restrictions. "

"When guests come to us, I tell the children to remove the toys with whom they do not want to share. So they do not have to give their special things. "

However, those mothers who were not approved by the Moms of Alanya were also found.

"I always ask the child to share during games, because I believe that this is a promotion of kindness, not egoism."

Larisa Surkov, psychologist:

Up to 3-4 years, children do not share the concept of "my alien", especially in relation to toys. The child comes to the playground with the thoughts "All My".

1. In a conflict situation, try to distract the baby, for example, offering him another toy.

2. If you see that someone tries to take the toy from your child, be sure to intervene and protect his interests (up to 3 years old!). Do not allow the child feeling that he is thrown.

3. Teach the child to change toys if it came to him with good intentions. Praise what is offered to him, describe and show all the unique options for the exchange.

5. Do not take there, where many children, new or very favorite toys. It is better to start a bag for the sandbox - a lot and not a pity - and, coming to the site, immediately get this "wealth" for everyone to see.

6. It is more important not to teach to share, but to learn to play together. Sit next to the baby and other children, offer them joint games.

(From the book "All about children from 0 to 13 years old")

Tips for a psychologist.
I recently came such a letter:

"Hello. I am worried about one problem: I have two children - a boy of 4 years and a girl for 2 years. Brother constantly offends his little sister, greading, the toys do not give, there is a favorite car on which he goes at home, so he does not allow her even to sit on her, not what to ride. I understand, she now has such age that she is all interested. But how to explain to the son that needs to be divided with everyone, and not greeding. After all, at home they explain what it is not good to greed, but he still continues to yell: it's mine! Do not touch! I am engaged in their upbringing only me, dad is rarely at home, and does not try to engage with them.
Advise how to establish relations to children with each other. "

I want to thank Natalia, who wrote this letter, for a very good question that pushed me to writing this article.

Let's deal with

Often the parents have an installation that the child must certainly share his toys, and if he does not, he "greadings." Although, if it comes to us, adults, it would be strange if someone had said to us that we had to share with our mobile phone, a wallet, a computer, a favorite cup, decorations, a car, or we are thieves! Sounds funny. But the fact is that for the child his personal toys - the same value as for us - our personal belongings, and he also has the same as in an adult, there is a right not to want to share their personal things with other people, including members families. This right is necessary and it is very important to respect.

When parents insist that the older children share with the younger children with their toys and other personal things, and even more so - are loved - it is definitely promoting jealousy between children. The eldest child is very offensive that Mom does not understand his feelings and falls on the side of the younger, more seriously perceiving his need for a toy than the need of a senior child in establishing his personal borders and a sense of property.

It is necessary to calmly treat the fact that children do not want to share each other and explain to them that each of them has the right to dispose of their toys as they want: "This is your brother's toy, and he does not want it sharing it, this is his right . You also have your own toys, you can share them when you want and you want. "

Children who are inspired that everyone needs to share and say "no" you can not, grow in adults who are trying to destroy others everywhere, cannot say "no", they do not know how to defend their interests and often act in harm to themselves, because It is raised so that their feelings and needs mean nothing. Or, on the contrary, compensating in childhood, an adult will be overwhelmed there, where it is necessary to give and share.

1. In addition to common toys, each of the children must have their own toys.

2. It is desirable that new toys for children are bought at the same time (if it is not timed to the birthday). If something is bought alone, then the other is also something for your (by interests).

3. Each child should have a room in a room for their toys: its shelf, its own container, its drawer or corner.

4. Children need to be explained that they can play with common toys together, when you want, but toys each other without demand to touch and take it impossible. Children should learn to respect the ownership of another person and respect his right to say no.

5. It is important to teach the child correctly and politely ask another child to play his toy, or temporarily change, and teach with respect to refuse. Tell him: "You also sometimes do not want to give your toys. This happens. You need to be able to respect the desire of another person. "

6. If some kind of one toy gives both children - and around it is constantly the "delica" arises, help children come up with some schedule to use this toy: Monday, Wednesday, Friday - one plays how much it wants, Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday - Other And hang the schedule on the wall in the nursery (for older children). Or you can come up with other options, but they must be fair, and should not be offended by anyone. No need to make a concession to the one who is younger. Both children have the same right to play this toy regardless of age.

(In a situation that Natalia describes, I would advise you to purchase a similar typewriter for younger daughter, or instead of a typewriter something, on what can I ride. With the older child, agree that he rides in another room or corridor, and not in front at the sister.)

7. Never fasten the label "Jadde" behind the child, it is very insulting and humiliating. You seem to say the child: "Do not want to give to another person my favorite thing is ashamed and bad. You should!". Immediately remember yourself in a situation where you are asked to play your phone, computer or displacing your favorite clothes, and you will say that you are a dishonest person, if you do not agree to share.

Conclusions:

Treat calmly and with understanding to the fact that your children do not want to share with each other toys. This is a normal phenomenon and does not mean that something is wrong with children. Each child must have their own personal belongings and the opportunity they manage at their own discretion.

Children need to be learning to ask permission to play the toys of another child, learn to negotiate, share toys, but also respect the right of another to refuse. In a word, to be polite and respect the boundaries of another person, regardless of his age, gender and other qualities :)

Ekaterina Buslova, Children's and Family Psychologist

Children after 2 years begin to realize themselves as a person and separating from the rest of the world. At this age, the problem of childhood greed pops up, because kids toys also consider themselves part of themselves.

Of course, parents are unpleasant to realize that the child is greedy, but this is normal. Each kid passes this stage to learn to share and be generous.

How to help your child become generous

To teach a child to share toys, parents recommend to explain to him two things:

1. He shares the toy only for a while, and does not give forever.

Usually, children do not understand this difference. It seems to them that if they give a toy a neighbor boy, he will never return it anymore. The baby will be difficult to part with an expensive thing to him, but you need to try to explain to him that no one will take her for a long time.

2. The principle "I am you, you - to me."

Psychologists recognize this principle very effective. The baby should be said that he doesn't just give his favorite toy, but gets something interesting in return. Let he give another child to play the machine, and he is cubes. If the child is not divided into any, you can offer children a joint game. And after calmly explain that other children play his toys only here and go home. It is even better to allow the child to decide for himself, what toys he wants to lend.

What do not need to do

1. Make sharing force

Having selected the toy from the kid by the strength and giving out another child, the parents do not teach him to share. Most likely, such actions will cause the opposite effect. Parents are the most influential people for the kid to whom he imitates. Therefore, it is better to negotiate with the tea.

2. Forcing senior always to give up to younger

In the family, where more than one child, younger love to imitate elders. If the older sister plays with a doll, then the younger brother will immediately want this doll. In such a situation, parents do not stand on the side of one of the children and make the daughter immediately give the toy. The second may immediately think that it is less like. To avoid conflict, parents need to find a compromise and remember that to teach the child to respect the desires of others is also important.

3. Talk offensive words

Rough words or children's poems like "Thadea-beef, salty cucumber ..." The child is offended, and they do not decide the problem. Therefore, it is important to give to understand the child that parents are dissatisfied with themselves, but his behavior.

Faced with the manifestations of greed in the child, many parents are awkward. But if you are being patient, keep calm and prudence and take into account the recommendations given, every parent will teach the child to share toys.

Olga Decker

Hello, my dear readers!

Tell me, your children never greader? Always share toys? For some reason, it seems to me that all people have unwillingness to give something to his own. Especially if people are 3 or even less :)

Let's talk about how to teach a child to share. I am especially interested, how to act if Choo categorically does not want to give something?

Require?
Take
Or maybe the baby has the right to solve this question himself?

And I will tell you how in my family kids sometimes turn into a zadyan-beef ... :)

Start offering with cartoon!

What? You can teach share and yield with cartoons - after all, all children love them. Adults just need to choose the necessary.

For example, my sons are glad to watch the cartoon about the trotro donkey. And I found a series about how Trotro did not want to share my toys. Here look:

If I had one child, we would chase a little less frequently with the need to share with other children. For example, only on the playground. But I have twins! :)

Example from life

Sons for 2 years. And from recently, they started the clashes and an energetic delay with loud cries "Daaaay!" And "I-I-I-I!"

You know, at such moments I'm slightly lost ...

An adult is even difficult to understand, well, why the child is the toy that is now in the hands of another. The fact that there is exactly the same next.

But no, it is precisely the one that in the hands of a brother. And the brother, in turn, is unpleasant surprised by what should urgently give his own. : (

By the way, our familiar children's psychologist on my question "Should a child share toys?" answered:

"It is impossible to wait for congenital generosity. Nature is not laid. The baby studies the world around.
And at this time, everything that interests him, everything that he likes automatically becomes "it". And he cannot suddenly - on our orders - take and understand everything about greed and generosity. "
It must be patient and gradually teach a child to share. "

If I buy the sins of the machine, then, of course, two :)

Sometimes the same, but sometimes different. And recently, Uncle presented us with beautiful teddy whales and shark. They are like something, but at the same time, they differ.

I think in such cases it is better to give children at the beginning to choose - which someone likes. And then explain that now the shark belongs to one of them, and Kit is another.

After all, that they say, the child is very important to introduce what it happens not only "his", but also "someone else's".

Although, sometimes acquaintance with the concept of "yours - not yours" is too sharp, in my opinion.

When we walk on the street, then often lay out your toys on the site - so that the rest of the children with my could do them.

And it happens that other parents immediately speak their babies: "It is impossible! This is someone else's! " And rather lead them. Despite even what I say to them: "You can! Play with us! " : (

It seems to me that the force and rudeness can not be explained by some rules or teach a child to share.

Point of view

1. I think the main thing in this matter is caution and softness. No need to scold the baby, calling "in the harmony" and "rigging". No need to select the toy and give it to another.

2. And imagine the other extreme - if you managed to suppress the child and teach it to always give everything at first request! Feel guilt with every accusation of greed or job!

This is a real psychological trauma! In addition, people can be found - in the courtyard or school, which will begin to use it with heartlessness and simpleness. Will be selected from him everything, offend ...

3. It is very useful to put yourself in place of children.

Imagine that to us, adults, our mom is suitable or the boss and takes the phone or computer (chair, wallet, a favorite cup - anything). And gives it to our neighbor or colleague.

Do you like this? Do you teach this to share? ..

This, of course, exaggeration. But it is clear to him that you can experience our sons and daughters if we act in the sneaking.

4. As Karlson said, here you need "calm, only calm."And understanding if the child does not want to share.

He is still small and not familiar with moral norms. He even with the concept of "good-bad" only begins to face. What can I blame him?! It seems to me that our task is not to make sharing, but to have to be generous!

Here look at this interesting video with the advice of a psychologist:

What still do?

I thought a lot about how to be if the child is not divided into toys. And it seemed to me that to begin with the lessons of generosity as an exchange. After all, if the baby receives something new instead of his property, he is interested and not hurt.

Only you need to miss two important points:

1. Be sure to emphasize that the exchange is only for a while.

Another boy (or another girl) will play a toy and give it back. And you need to trace to really return - then the children will be calm and confident will trust.

2. Concessions - a bilateral thing.

And here the principle "You - I, I - You" Suitable as it is impossible! For example, we often offer our beggages on the site, and instead we ask to ride a scooter or bike.

After all, many of you have experience in raising children and some ideas about how to teach the baby to share ... Write this in the comments :)

Good weather and health to you and your kids!

Olga Decker.

I will only be glad when you make sure the delicious dishes help get a beautiful figure, health and vigor. All the details of this weight loss program.

P. P. S. To be slim, easy and attractive, you need to be more in the fresh air, drink clean water and eat right.

With recipes for useful dishes I can easily help you! You will regularly receive them and useful nutritional tips if you subscribe to my newsletter below. :)

My daughter has grown, and the question arose: "How to be if the child is not divided into toys"? When I was born a long-awaited little princess, I had already had the experience of how to gradually teach the baby to share toys with other kids.

Algorithm of behavior for mothers, when a child does not want to share his toys

How to behave moms in a situation where a child is not divided into toys and begins quarrels because of toys? Rereading a lot of literature, it was an understanding that it would take about six months of patience to solve this problem of children's greed, in combination with ingenuity in reconciliation to Karapuzu. Because of what the situation itself occurs when a child is not divided into toys? According to children's psychologists, most kids their toys, especially loved ones, perceive at this age as part of themselves. For example, the baby loves the toy so much that, even going to the street, does not want to part with her. It is clear that Sitting to play with her in the sandbox, the child is not sharing a toy with anyone.

Defending their right to possession of her, the baby seems to protect the particle of his "I". As soon as the parents begin to look at it from such a position, it comes to understanding that sometimes the situation in which the child is not divided into toys is normal. Passing this period of varieties of egoism and children's greed (even if the baby is not divided now with his siblings and sisters) later he learns generosity. Agree that the awareness of the expression: "This is someone else's" can be obtained, only feeling that: "This is mine."

First of all, you need to understand how to react your mother on the situation if the child is not divided into toys.

Believe with understanding to the emotions of your baby. The desire to possess something to your own, and it is quite normal to fencing this from encroachment. This even indicates that your karapuz is developing correctly. The most common mistake of Mom by force to make sharing toys, take them away from the baby, or force him to give it to everyone (albeit even the youngest native brother in the family). More Moms do not in the best way, if they themselves begin to call their karapuza with zadamins. Understand that at the moment when he is defended his position, you need support, and not offensive words.
It is better in the first stages of manifestation of such children's greed to conduct calm conversations: "Now Kiryusha is small and not sharing toys, but soon he will grow up, will share and change with other kids." This is if you want to program future.

How to teach a child to share toys, as the option Teach the baby to share.

From day to day, shown the crumb that you can safely offer replacement. How to be in a situation where in the family 2 kids and conflict due to the fact that some of them do not share the toys flashed instantly with crying and sometimes even fights. Errorery to act persuasion: "Let Masha touch your bunny, she doesn't biss him, just shershas, \u200b\u200bwell, maybe I will fare down a little." So Karapuz begins to think that you always become not on his side, and even love someone stronger than it. It is sometimes enough to remind someone who wants to pick up a toy: "You need to give something in return from your toys. Carry something to change. " This trick of children is trained in nursery.
Make your treasure to express your feelings, emotions, and most importantly - feel about this without public condemnations and critics (it is divided into search of support on your part). Play the role of peacemaker, trying to clarify the baby's motifs to the baby. "Little kids, like you are very difficult to learn to share, they still do not understand that they will be returned to the toy, yes?" When the baby nodded, it's a little your victory. It follows that something like: "Soon you will learn to share toys and you will give them to kids, and they will give you their toys, yes?" Clamps and small manipulators are found, which even declare: "I still do not know how to share." Here you need a trick. Let me show you again ...

Why is it all important to behave if the baby is not divisible?

Your child does not hear offended words from you, who are already forced it, as if defended, getting spikes.
The kid knows that he is not bad, or Jadde, just he is still small, and so far not everything knows how, but very soon I have to learn.
Share toys, you can learn how to clean the teeth and keep a spoon.

How to apply fairy tales to teach share toys.

It is possible to sleep in a crumb that you can come up with various instructive fairy tales ourselves. Sometimes let it be fairy tales about quarrels because of toys. Here is the easiest plot. Petya did not like to share with any of his cars, and once the fairy saw offended boy, who cried from annoyance, because Petya not only took the toy from him, but she pushed the boy, and she won all toys. By the end of the fairy tale, you need to come up with the circumstances in which Petya shares with their cars and the miracle is happening, toys are returned and even a new machine appears.

Problem the rules of conduct.

Sometimes it works. An example of the rules of one large family:

Who begins to play, he adds for everyone.
Do not throw toys.
Do not bite, not tweaked.
Who first took the toy, he plays for a while.
It is impossible to take away, you can change, share toys.

Improvise, because every family and child are unique. The rules are good because in dangerous moments when the conflict is brewing, you can simply remind the rules ...

To the arrival of guests, in order to avoid breakdowns of the most beloved toys (we have happened to the musical beetle, which also glowed) remove them higher. At the same time, explain to the baby that you are not hiding them forever, but for a while put toys sleep, so that they were bright and beautiful.

Children's psychologists write that they are usually not inclined to share children who feel the fear of losing not toy, but mom. More often, express your love to the kids so that they understand that the mother always will be next regardless of whether the baby has toys, or not she will play with him.