What do little children dream about the most?

At the dawn of my professional career, I was fortunate enough to work in a kindergarten. I got the group from the guys 4-5 years old. According to age periodization, play is the leading activity in preschool age. What my wards did not play: to the hospital, school, daughters-mothers. But the most popular game was the birthday or wedding game. The scenario of the game was approximately as follows: children arrange dishes on the table, improvise the process of cooking treats, meet guests, accept gifts. Then everyone sits down at the table and begins to make toasts with the invariable attribute of a feast - clinking glasses and drinking imaginary alcohol. This is followed by dances, falling from chairs, allegedly due to intoxication. This was the end of the game.

Do not bring up children, they will still be like you.

(English proverb)

Today we are not talking about how the behavior of parents affects children - this is a completely obvious fact. Children simply played real family holidays in the game. They did it in an adult way: they made toasts as dad does, grandfather fell from the chair as if falling, danced like mom. In the game, they lived an adult experience, while remaining children.

Children want to become adults as soon as possible. From the lips of children you can most often hear: "When I grow up ...".

Why is adult life so attractive?

Freedom. Equality. While you are small, adults do not see you as an equal person, the younger ones obey the older ones. When you are big, they see you as an equal, you get the freedom to choose what to do on your own. In their understanding, freedom is the ability to do what you want without asking anyone's permission.

The older children get, the more they want to taste the delights of adulthood. Among adolescents, it is believed that the earlier you began to "build" relationships with the opposite sex, the cooler you are. The heady taste of freedom so attracts a young organism.

Children appreciate all the delights of adult life in terms of freedom of choice. There, in adulthood, no one will force the bed to be made, wash cups behind them, arrange clothes neatly on the shelves in the closet and send them to sleep when they still want to sit at the computer. Do what you want. And most importantly, there is no more overwhelming control on the part of parents and compromises in solving their own problems.

Man is a social being. The need for love and belonging is next after satisfying physiological needs and ensuring safety. We see our future relations as a space in which our aspirations for making independent decisions and realizing our own desires will be maximally satisfied. If in the parental family we saw an example of unequal relations, then all the more we do not want such a scenario in our life.

“When love lives in dependence, ugliness appears.

And when love flows along with freedom, beauty appears. "

No more submissions, no more persuasion and explanation - this is how we want to see our relationship. “What do you mean to me - dad or mom, do not command me” - I think each of us at least once in our life either heard this phrase or pronounced it himself. When they stop reckoning with our opinions and tell us what to do, there is a fear that we are not perceived as equals.

At such moments, we again feel like little girls without the right to vote. The parent-child model of relationships based on the “top-down” principle disgusts us, we are terrified of its repetition. We tell ourselves that the times of house building are long over, women have achieved their place in the sun and have proven their worth in solving many problems. We want to take an equal part in solving family issues, regardless of our social status and financial situation.

I would venture to suggest that many women have had moments in their lives when they experienced negative feelings about belittling their importance. This could manifest itself in the form of a devaluation of your efforts and needs, sarcasm about your role, an unwillingness to listen to your point of view and feelings, or, most common, financial dependence, which makes you put up with an undesirable state of affairs. In all these cases, there is no need to talk about equal relations: the game is played with one goal.

What do we want?

To be respected as a person and as a person. You don't need expensive gifts that men buy when they feel guilty. All you need to do is help with everyday matters or a 5 minute conversation about how your day went. Do you want your favorite job and the opportunity to self-actualize, and at the same time the man does not indicate in an imperious voice "Your place is at the stove." Want not to hide your desires. Do you want to talk about your hurt feelings so that you are heard and not ironic "Be silent, woman, your day is March 8th." Want to feel financially free and secure, not begging for money for tights or being accountable for every penny you spend.

It may seem that I am now talking about a clinical case when a silly husband, taking advantage of financial superiority or hiding behind beliefs that his word is law, and his wife's opinion does not count, tyrannize his woman. But, unfortunately, such specimens do occur. And even if not in such a neglected form, but in milder variants of the manifestation of inequality, many women have met in one way or another in their lives.

We meet the restriction of our own freedoms aggressively. We express our aggression in two ways: either we organize protests against the infringement of our rights, or we direct our discontent inward, where it is transformed into resentment, irritation, and a feeling of our own inferiority.

None of the options leads to the desired result.

A woman is entirely responsible for family relations. I wrote in detail in the article about why certain partners turn out to be with us and how we attract them to us.

If we talk about the family vertical of power, then in it a woman should in no case occupy a position “from below”. Also, there is no place for her to be "on top". In both cases, we can only observe inharmonious relationships and the destruction of the female energy, which is so necessary for building a happy family. There is no place for a woman in a position “on an equal footing”. Man and woman are Yin and Yang. Remember this symbol. The boundaries of each of the energies are smooth, flowing into each other and complementing each other.

Do you really want to be on an equal footing? A woman is much stronger when she proceeds from the essence of her feminine power - she acts on the basis of love. A man is confident in such a woman, he perceives her as a strong rear. The task of a woman is to reveal his best masculine qualities in a man, and not to remake him and seek equal rights with him.

When a woman claims to be equal, the man loses his sense of a pioneer.

Male energy is the energy of the Sun. The sun's rays powerfully illuminate the Earth and are the basis for life. The energy of a woman is the energy of the Moon. The moon shines with reflected light from the sun. And this does not prevent her from being bright, although she does not shine by itself. In this case, the Moon regularly changes its position relative to the Sun, and then we observe its various phases.

Neither above, nor below, nor opposite — the Moon is constantly changing its position. Ready answers to many life questions are dictated by nature itself. The true strength of a woman lies in her plasticity, flexibility, adaptability, the ability to attract the maximum attention of her man to herself and reflect to him in return with her love and acceptance.

In this respect, a woman can be compared to a ripe peach: soft, juicy, alluring on the outside and with a hard bone on the inside. A man is like a nut: a hard shell on the outside and a soft core on the inside. When a nut comes into contact with a peach, then under the pressure of the nut, the peach changes its structure and shape, bends under the action of the shell. But these deformations are not terrible for a peach - inside there is a hard bone that can give life to a whole tree.

“Thinking about her great mind, a woman achieves equality. Possessing intelligence, she will not strive for it. "

Do you really want to "hunt mammoths"? Rather, you want to trust your partner and feel their support and gratitude for everything you do for them. And he will be grateful only when what he receives from you is really valuable to him and he greatly values \u200b\u200bit.

“There are no irreplaceable ones. There are those who do not want to change. "

This means that you need to think not about equality, but about your value both in the eyes of your partner and in your own eyes.

How to increase your value in the eyes of your partner?

1. Equal exchange.

A man stops investing in a relationship when he feels that he is giving more than he is receiving. If his efforts are not approved, the incentive for the man to do more disappears. He believes that his success in financially supporting his family and his career gives him a significant head start and expects a worthy payment and approval from a woman. What can he get? Devaluation of his merits, taking his efforts for granted - "You are a man, you have to provide for your family." So it is, but the word "must" is very painful and irritating.

In order to repay their man with a worthy coin for his efforts, women in every possible way try to surround him with their care and love. But in the understanding of a woman, care and love is asking about his affairs, it is asking what he thinks about which wallpaper is best for the bedroom, it is surpassing herself in the art of cooking, etc.

This is all good, but one BUT. For a man, showing love is not caring for him, but complete trust in him. Use pasta and cutlets instead of risotto and seafood puree soup. But at the same time you do not seek to remake it, but accept it as it is. Your acceptance and trust - plus 100 points to the piggy bank of your value for him.

And even if you earn at least a man, or even more, never discount his role in the family. Deep down, every big man is a little boy. And for boys it is so important to feel like superheroes, gang leaders, leaders and leaders.

Let a man always remain the head of your family gang. And then you will take a worthy place in his life.

1. Demonstrate what it means to run a household.

Traditionally, the concept of "housewife" is equal to the concept of doing nothing. The result of a man's work is visible at the end of the month, when he brings home his wages, i.e. "Killed a mammoth." And what is the result in the work of a housewife? None - this is an eternal process: cooking, washing, checking lessons with children, walking with children, cleaning the house. From day to day the same thing, this process is endless and has no tangible result. And besides, our women are clever, they try to redo all their heap of affairs before the arrival of her husband, so that he comes to a clean and comfortable house that smells of pies. Accordingly, your titanic efforts can be rewarded at best "thanks" and that's it. And the fact that you are all exhausted and by the end of the day is only an outlet, that your favorite TV series will be summed up as if you are watching them all day long. And if you, God forbid, did not buy bread before the arrival of the breadwinner, then you run the risk of hearing the phrase in your address: “You sat at home all day, couldn't go to the store?”. I just want to say: "That's just how it was: as soon as, my dear, you left the door in the morning, I sat down on a chair and did not get up until you arrived." The dishes were washed at the behest of the pike. Borsch was prepared by pronouncing the phrase "cook a pot", and pies - with a wave of the sleeve. A fairy tale, not life. " And to be honest, I would like to say it even more sharply, with a few strong words. This devaluation comes from the fact that men often do not see the very process of doing household chores. There is a TV show "Home for Daddy", where they conduct an experiment on how men cope with household chores. A very funny show and not every hero can cope with this test.

Arrange a similar reality show for your man, at least for a couple of days: without a supply of food, without ready-made food that you just need to reheat. Let him actually feel how good it is to “stay at home” with children. He will, of course, cope, but for a long time he will remember this school of survival.

Delegate some household chores to the man without yelling or coercion. Demonstrate to him the benefits of being involved in the process. For example: the husband will look after the small child, and you will take over the preparation of the dinner. Ask for help, do not assume that the man himself has to guess that you need his help. Men are guided by the principle: if you need help - ask. And if you don't ask, then you can do it yourself and there is nothing difficult for you.

With this involvement, you kill two birds with one stone: you yourself are unloaded from business, and the man begins to appreciate your work more. Do not forget to be sure to thank for the help, however small.

3. Change the way you think.

Our thoughts and states are transmitted to the outside world, and those around us behave with us the way we treat ourselves and how we feel ourselves. Our partners are our mirrors. If your husband does not appreciate you and treats you dismissively, think, but how, in fact, do you treat yourself?

Let me give you an example from my own experience. Quite recently, a second son appeared in our family and I automatically switched to the status of a mother on maternity leave. All my strength and attention began to go to the baby, and I could not do my favorite profession to the extent that it was before. This also led to a situation when I found myself in complete financial dependence on my husband. It should be noted that for me this state of affairs is unnatural: for many years I held a leadership position, earned good money and managed my finances myself. And then everything changes radically. I did not understand how I should behave now: going to my husband and asking for money seemed humiliating to me. Constant thoughts on this matter drove even more negative. And I turned this negative on myself. I begged for my merits to my family, did not feel my own importance, I felt a sense of guilt that had arisen from nowhere. And this is completely out of the blue, as the saying goes, "she thought it up, she was offended." My own "cockroaches" in my head made loud "chatter" and drowned out the voice of common sense. Gradually returning to the profession helped me to exterminate my cockroaches.

Why am I telling this example? We ourselves broadcast the attitude towards us. We are like a radio receiver: what wavelength our signal is tuned to will be heard by those around us. And what we consciously pay attention to tends to grow and fill everything around.

Before complaining about the devaluation of your merits by others, check what do you think of yourself? This is the root of our relationship tree. Weak roots are a weak tree.

4. Take care of your financial security.

There is a lot of debate about the question of whether a woman should earn money or should rely on her husband in everything. Whatever point of view you hold, but I think you will agree that having your own finances gives you some freedom. Each of us has our own desires and dreams. Being financially dependent on your husband, the realization of your desires and goals depends on him. It is good if he supports them and gives money for it. But this may not always be the case: today he gives money, tomorrow he will change his mind. Or maybe it will completely leave your life to realize someone else's dreams. Be realistic: Anything is possible in life. And your position will be very precarious if you rely on someone. Firstly, it is irresponsible, and secondly: it is dangerous.

The myth that men are afraid of strong and financially independent women was invented by weak men. In fact, men have nothing against the fact that a woman makes money. It is important for them to feel that they are still needed and appreciated. And if a woman begins to brag about her success in the skill of making money, then the man ceases to understand what role he can play in your life, since he does not have the opportunity to feel like a man next to you.

A man identifies his success on three points: who he is, what he achieved and what is his income. He also sought a woman and can rightfully be proud of it. And even more pride will be added to him by the fact that his woman is happy, successful and confident. And such a woman is always financially independent.

1. Learn to make concessions.

We are all selfish by nature. We come into relationships with the aim of receiving from them some benefits for ourselves. And when we do not receive these very benefits, conflicts arise.

However, it is worth noting that women are more prone to service and selflessness than men.

And this fact must be used to raise your value in the eyes of a man.

Men love freedom and from time to time they distance themselves from women in order to get a taste of freedom. Fishing trips, meeting friends, staying late in the garage, chatting with colleagues after work is a breath of freedom for them. Not understanding the nature of a man, women are offended, irritated and in every possible way let the man know about it. And no matter how crazy you are, it was, is and will be. And if the demonstration of your negative attitude to what is happening does not change the situation, then it may be worth turning it to your own good.

If a man, once again, confronts you with the fact of his plans for the evening without you, then calmly agree and wish him a pleasant evening. But at the same time agree with him about your immediate plans (with or without him) and ask how he looks at it. I would like to emphasize once again - "AGREE." Men don’t do anything for nothing if they don’t see good reasons for it. The reason for agreeing with your desire will be the fact that you will not "nag" him when he returns home and he will not see your displeasure. Give up on small things to get more.

And there is no need to demand anything else. Now you can speak openly about your desires and requests, while be sure to emphasize how this is beneficial for a man. From purely selfish motives, it is more profitable for a man to see you happy and calm than angry and aggressive. This means you become more valuable and desirable.

1. Be grateful.

Often women complain that men stop giving gifts after several years of marriage. Do you know how to take them correctly?

If the man does not guess with the gift, the woman will definitely let him know about it. It would be okay with a hint, but some can finish off with the question: "Why are the tulips so dead, could not buy roses?" or “Another mug !? Why do I need it? "

Men want to give gifts to those women who know how to receive them. Pay attention to where the men are looking when giving a gift. They look at the woman. And if a woman is happy and beaming with pleasure, the man automatically takes over her feelings and realizes that he did everything right. He's great. And vice versa: what will a man feel when he sees your displeased face? He will be as frustrated as you are. And in order not to get into a similar situation again, he decides not to give anything at all. What you give is bad, what you don’t give is also bad.

Be grateful for the smallest thing. For the removed cup, for the purchased groceries, for the fact that the phone raised - for everything. It's not difficult for you, but he is pleased.

Men love their condition next to a woman. If you are grateful, then he feels his importance, value for you and he will want to experience this state again and again next to you. Celebrate in front of your friends the gifts that the man gave you, and you will see how his shoulders are straightened, and he feels your gratitude. Plus 100 to your treasure box.

As you strive for equality, consider what you value in your relationship. Over the years, it becomes obvious that the most valuable things in the world are not things at all.

“Life is successful - this is when, after you leave, people will remember you with joy and sadness. With joy, because they will remember how good it was with you, but with sadness, because you will never laugh with them ... "

P.S Friends, if you also have a question that haunts you, and you want to deal with it for a long time, send it through I will definitely answer you.

For those who have read a lot and who want a deeper immersion in the topic of relationships: the program

Who is interested in the topic of putting things in order in their own consciousness and personal growth, a program has been developed for you

And also the opportunity to work out your individual request with me personally for a consultation.

With faith in you and your family

Tatiana Sarapina

Relationship expert

About equality in relationships in all colors

Alina, good afternoon!

The most important feeling that apparently now rules you is injustice! You want a fair, equal relationship!

Apparently your chosen one just has a different position!

But only with different views on relationships, it is very difficult (almost impossible) to build harmonious relationships for everyone!

It's like marriages, where the wife is a Christian (churched), and the husband is a Muslim. Not everyone is successful in this format.

If we talk about equal relations, then this is not a relationship - "if you forbid me, then I will forbid you, I have the same right!" Do you disagree?

Rather like this: "I respect your right to be with friends, it hurts me when you do not pay attention to me, what can we do to make you with friends, and I was not alone at this time?"

In marriage, you can implement different positions. There is a book "Everyone Can Win!" Read it with your partner.

After all, harmony in the family depends on the desire of both partners to resolve conflict situations. There is no family life without conflict.

There are simply many options for resolving a conflict situation, but most people do not use the most constructive ones!

1. Lost - Lost! If you forbid me to communicate with friends and I will not communicate at your request, because you mean to me. But then don't talk to anyone either!

2. Win - Lost! I am a man, so I will communicate with friends, but you are a woman, sit at home and wait for me. Be patient, otherwise I will not be with you!

3. Compromise. Come on this time, but not for long. Or this time you go, and next time promise that you will spend time with me. Or else a cut, where both are somewhat inferior. ATTENTION - a compromise in a relationship cannot exist for a long time, because everyone has to step on the throat of their own song in some way!

4. I won - I won! Very difficult, but extremely interesting! And most importantly - a position that brings SATISFACTION IMMEDIATELY! Always starts with questions to each other!

Woman: Why is it so important for you to go to your friends now?

Man: I want to rest, recuperate? Why is it so important to you that I stay now?

Woman: I want to talk too, am I in a bad mood? Oh, how else can I cheer myself up? For example, by going to a manicure! And then I will meet you beautiful!

Another option:

Man: I want to watch football!

Woman: I want to be with you!

Man: I want to be with you, but you don't like football!

Woman: Yes, I don't! But I don't like watching on TV. Let's buy a soccer ticket. Let's go together.

Do you want to win together in a relationship? Then listen-read-discuss the book! Train!

If you have any questions, please contact!

Respectfully,

Smirnova Elena Alekseevna, psychologist Yekaterinburg

Good answer0 Bad answer1

Equality between men and women is the biggest scam and set-up for women. Primarily for women. There is no equality between warm and square. Each has its own functions for one case. Having received the so-called equality, the woman became a slave, and not morally, but physically. A woman is physically weaker than a man, but in case of equality, she must plow as much as a physically stronger man plows.

Women have lost respect and admiration, because no one will bow before an equal, now anyone can publicly call them cattle and animals, insulting them in every possible way and humiliating them in revenge for inattention from the female sex, and no one cares about this, because women have lost their a special role in society.

If it were not for this equality, a man would have to provide for his family, and she would raise her beloved children, because being with children is happiness, as opposed to wiping backs in the office or somewhere else. But what is it, men refuse to be a draft force, and everything falls back on the woman: work - home, home - work.

The media is constantly pumping poor impressionable women with the temptations of "freedom and independence." And now, these stupidly independent women have become so independent that neither they nor they need anyone. And a vacuum is formed around them. Equality is equal to loneliness, because not a single normal man wants to be unkind.

Men are comfortable with equality, more than women, although this is nowhere said and not sewn, and even if they say, only in a fit. It is bad, of course, that there is a lot of competition. However, how convenient it is at the household level, you can now legally kick horseradish, earning only half of the budget. You can avoid raising children by saying that this is not a man's business and that not only women are shouting about equality and demanding to give up their seats. Washing, cleaning, and other garbage - if you can't hang on it, then you can buy equipment in half and so on. All the petty nonsense goes through the woods - as far as politeness is concerned. This is now a rudiment, if we are equal.

However, it is not all this nonsense described above that is terrible, but the fact that little weak girls were already born with the seal of equality. Well, why should they be equal? Please note that cultured people still show respect for a woman, but the scoundrels, all those who stooped to openly insult women, are happy to take advantage of this. Equality between men and women is a legalized right to be rude to a woman! The woman has lost respect! But a woman is a mother! That is, she lost respect and mother! From time to time, they raise topics about the legitimacy of beating a woman, because she is equal, which means you can hit her on the forehead with a fist !!! And they say it quite seriously! And they are looking for serious reasons.

Women, run away from this equality. All this is from the evil one.

Equality in the family - is it really good? What are the benefits of equality for men, and what benefits are there for women? Is this relationship model ideal? in modern society?

What is equality in the family?

In general, the meaning of the word "equality" in relation to family relations means that both - a man and a woman - must work, replenishing the family piggy bank, and in their free time share family responsibilities.

But, for some reason, most women believe that we, as they say, "what we fought for, we ran into it." That is, at present, in our world, women who are so wanted to get equal rights with men, thought - was it worth it? Indeed, with the advent of equality, a woman has a large number of additional responsibilities. If earlier the man was obliged to provide for the family, and the wife - to run the household, then now both should work, but everyday life still remained on the fragile shoulders of a woman.

Modern women complain that men have become infantile, that they do not strive for anything. Of course, they used to need it to win and keep a woman! And now the woman is already the CEO herself or has her own business.

Most women, according to research, would like to put everything back. Where the man was gallant and courteous. When he did not blame the woman on the problem. When he was the main earner of the family. It’s just impossible to turn history back. And we have to rejoice in "the fruits of our hands."

Equality - the ideal relationship model?

Family and, in general, family relationships can be compared to a ship. It depends on how the control of this very ship is organized, whether the ship arrives at its final destination or sank somewhere along the way. As we know, the ship is always present one single captain... It is he who controls the ship. Of course, he has assistants. Without them, it would be difficult for him to cope with management. But roles and responsibilities are very clearly assigned between assistants. The assistants know even before the ship departs what will they do on the ship. No one argues with the captain about their duties. Therefore, the ship is always in perfect order.

Now let's get back to family relationships. Since the family is so similar to the ship (family boat), then the management in the family should be built in the same way as on the ship. I.e there must be a clear division of responsibilities... Each family member must be responsible for certain actions of the family as a whole.

As we know, there are no two captains on a ship. There is a mate, but everyone the main decisions are made by the captain himself... So who should be assigned such a role in the family? It is best to leave it to your husband. Why? Because the captain is not only the commander who makes all decisions, but also the one who is responsible for these decisions. AND a man is best to be responsible in a family.

Choosing one or another for your family relationship model, remember - there is no full-fledged one hundred percent equality in nature. Therefore, if you choose equality for your family, be prepared that the main questions will fall on you. Moreover, you will have to answer for the consequences.

Business experts are simply convinced that if in a company a block of shares is distributed between two owners, that is, neither of them has a controlling stake, then such a company is doomed to failure in advance. Because the main and last decision should remain with one single person.

One more comparison can be made. Car. As we all know, it only has one steering wheel. And what would happen if there were two rudders? Each of the passengers would turn it in their direction, and the car, as a result, would remain in place, or it would become uncontrollable. In this example, it is easy to draw a parallel between auto and married life.

Even now when women seems to be achieved equality, men receive higher wages. There are even statistics on this score. Therefore, we can admit that men are much better than women at earning money. And for a woman - to maintain comfort in the house and a good mood. These roles have been assigned since the creation of man. So why change these roles now?

Also, pay attention to those women who have been solving family problems all their lives! They look much older than their true age. Is it good? Do you want to look fifty to forty?

Think and remember for yourself all those families in which the commander-in-chief is a wife. Are these families really happy from such a distribution of roles?

But, of course, to decide which relationship model choose, only you two. Let's put an equal sign between two expressions: equality is the right to choose. This will really be ideal model of family relationships!

Wisdom and understanding to you!

Most often, it is women who become emotionally dependent on a partner. No matter how passionate love is, in such a relationship there is no equality, respect, and ultimately, harmony. Re-education of an egoist is not easy. Try it anyway - the result is worth it! A pairing relationship in which one partner is emotionally dependent on the other can last for years and be quite comfortable for both. So is there anything that needs to be changed? It's up to you, of course. But think about this: addiction is when you are totally unhappy with something, but you continue to put up with it. Such a person is in an endless inner conflict, torn between the voice of the heart and the arguments of reason. Staying in this state for a long time, you waste your energy in vain, emotionally burn out. The result is neuroses, low self-esteem, a feeling that life is passing by, depression. Psychologists identify several signs of emotional dependence:

• For you, the problem is to say “no” to your beloved (while you can refuse other people in a similar situation calmly).
• Your mood depends solely on your man: it is in his power to bring you to hysteria in just a couple of minutes, or, conversely, to raise you to the heights of happiness.
• A relationship with him is the meaning of your life. It seems to you: if you part, then there is no need to live ...
• You always act with an eye on your beloved: whether he likes it or not. His dissatisfaction is enough reason for you, for example, to give up your career or stop communicating with your childhood friend.
• If a loved one is dissatisfied with something, you always look for a reason in yourself - they say, I said or did something wrong. In general, in quarrels with him, it is easier for you to take all the blame on yourself than to defend your own position.

There is no executioner without sacrifice

It is not for nothing that psychologists talk about codependency: this state of affairs is beneficial not only to the "tyrant", but also to his victim (otherwise she simply would not be in this situation). Often, women themselves provoke selfish manifestations in their men. Think about the benefits of your current position. What does the victim position give you? The motives can be different: inner infantilism (“it's good when someone else makes all the decisions for me”), pride (“he’s bad, I’m good”), sympathy and pity on the part of others, inability to build equal relationships (this happens with those who in childhood did not see a positive example in the person of the parental family). Try to answer this difficult question frankly: it is the realization of the true (albeit hard-hitting) reasons that gives you the chance to be liberated. Psychologists believe that at heart a "tyrant" is a very vulnerable and insecure person. Otherwise, he would not have the need to assert himself at someone else's expense. Try to analyze the behavior of your beloved. What prompts him to be rude, ignore your interests? Perhaps this is how his fear of losing you manifests itself, or the "lack of love" that was not received in early childhood. This doesn't mean you have to justify your partner's selfish behavior - but understanding is the key to positive change.

Loving yourself more than him

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The only person who has the right to control your life is yourself. Make a decision to be happy and do everything to make it happen! Learn to distance yourself from your partner. You cannot focus all your interests on him alone - you must have some kind of outlet, something that brings you joy, regardless of the presence or absence of a man in life. Remember the last time you felt good - not with him, but just like that, with yourself. What caused these feelings? Immerse yourself in this comfortable state more often. Make it clear to the man what things are definitely not acceptable to you. For example, “I will not continue the conversation in this tone. We'll talk when you calm down. " Having presented your personal boundaries to your partner, the main thing is to be able to defend them (believe me, at first he will provoke you). Be honest with your lover. Instead of pouting and playing in silence for days, sincerely say what exactly offended you. He is not a telepathic person and may not really know that some of his actions are hurting you. It is very difficult to manipulate a woman who is calm, confident, contented with herself and her life. Start taking care of yourself and your interests first. Soon your man will feel the changes taking place in you - and will be forced to reckon with them. Treat him not as a small child (he is quite able to cook dinner without you, and iron his shirts) and not as a "daddy" (without his word - not a step), but as an equal. Perceive him as a full-fledged mature person - and after a while your relationship will surely change for the better.

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