What does love children mean?
Child can be compared with a mirror. He reflects love, but does not begin to love the first. The way the child will perceive himself throughout his life - his self-esteem - largely depends on how satisfied its need for love. A small child does not know anything about himself, he sees himself as much as close to him. Each appeal to the child - in a word, intonation, gesture, even silence - parents inform him something about him. From the signs of approval, love and adoption, the child has a feeling of "good", and from the signals of condemnation, displeasure, critics - the feeling of something wrong with me "," I'm bad. " Punishment The child perceives as a message "You're bad!", Criticize - "You can't!", Inbotation - "I have no case before you" or even "I do not like you." Therefore, taking care of the security of a child, his upbringing, success in studying, you need to be aware of what a message is sent to communicate. The younger child, the stronger the influence of the information he receives from others.
Some parents are afraid to reveal, tell us about what they feel. They avoid trusting relationships from fear losing their authority. But when parents openly and sincerely express their feelings, children see that they are also living people, - and, in turn, begin to trust their feelings. Understanding, respect for personality, confidence - the most important thing in the relationship between the child and adults.
Ways to express love for a child can be classified in four types: contact eye, physical contact, close attention and discipline.Each area is fundamentally important. Many parents focus their attention on one or two areas, neglecting others, while doing a huge mistake.
1. Contact the eye. Open, natural, benevolent look right in the eyes of the child is essential not only to establish good communication interaction with it, but also to meet its emotional needs. Although we are not aware of this, but we use the contact contact as the main means of transferring their feelings, including love, especially for children. The child uses eye contact with parents (and other people) for emotional feeding. The more often parents look at the child, trying to express her love to him, the more he is impregnated with this love and the more fulfilled his emotional tank. If your opinion constantly expresses love and goodwill, the child will also learn to look at people. If the look strive only to express rigor, irritation, the child will take care of the same reaction. The child even learn begins better if satisfying his emotional needs. A tender look and a gentle encouraging touch can reduce the level of anxiety and reduce the fears of the child, strengthen the sense of security and self-confidence in it.
2. Physical contact. Most parents touch their children only as needed: helping them to dress, sit in the car, etc. Speaking about physical contact, it is not in mind that it is necessary to kiss, hug - just any physical contact: touch your hand, hug by shoulders, stroke Head, sweeping through the hair, jokingly to interfere, etc. With everyday communication with children, a loving look and a gentle touch corresponding to age is absolutely necessary. They should be natural, act as a pacifying child, not to be demonstrative or excessive.
3. close attention. What does close attention mean? This means that the parent focuses on the child completely, not distracted by any little things, so that the child does not doubt the moment in full, unconditional love for him. He must feel an important and significant person who can appreciate the dignity; He must be confident in his right to inseparable, authentic interest, attention and attentiveness, caring concentration and interest in it at this moment. The awareness of this is vital in the development of self-esteem in a child. And this deeply affects the ability of a child to interact with other people and love them. The best way for this is to be with a child alone. If you have several children, you need to find time to be alone with each child.
4. Discipline. Many parents believe that discipline means punishment (for some - spanking). But in fact, love and discipline can not be divided, and the punishment is a very small part of the discipline. Discipline is primarily a worthy example of adults, modeling situations, verbal and written instructions, training, ensuring the child the opportunity to learn and gain various life experience, including the ability to relax. When a child is confident that parents understand everything about what he is trying to tell that they are aware of his feelings, thoughts and desires, it will be much more willing to respond positively to disciplinary requirements. This does not mean that you need to succumb to the requirements or whims of a child, it means that you need to fully focus on communicating with it at this moment so that the child does not have the feeling that the parent just insist on its own, using his authority, and neglects his thoughts and feelings. The child in this case is learning a very important skill: the ability to negotiate, respect the point of view of the other and look for compromises.
How to express love for the child? Tips to parents:
· Speak more warm words: "I feel good with you," "I'm glad to see you," "It's good that you are here," I like, like you ... "," I missed you (lsya) "," How good that you we have".
· Hug a child several times a day:four hugs are needed to each person just for survival, and for good well-being needed at least eight hugs a day to feel: we are together.
· Take a child certainly:do not say: "If you are a good girl (boy), I will love you." After all, love is not a product. For the psychological well-being, the child needs confidence that parental love is not evaluated and does not depend on some conditions. Love the child is not "for the fact that ..." and not "only if he ...", but simply because it is. Only on the background of unconditional adoption is possible everything else: to educate, negotiate, establish discipline, even punish, if there is a need for this.
· Together with the child: natimat his inner world, feelings and share your feelings, your world. Form a positive position in a child in relation to yourself and others around him: I "+", you "+": After all, a person who does not consist his own value and at the same time neglecting the value of others can make actions unwanted for him and others, because He is indifferent to their consequences.
It is necessary to show the child that you consider it a decent person:
It is important to really listen carefully to a child when he says - first listen, and then punish;
It is important to avoid physical punishment;
It is important to control your anger - the rapid manifestation of indignation, especially uncontrolled explosions of anger and rabies, at first the child is very frightened. But the child grows, and when the parents too often lose control of themselves, falling into anger and rage, this is a tender patching his respect for his parents and, along with this, gradually incites his own bad inclinations to impossibility, anger and malice.
Material prepared on the basis of the book
R. Campbell "How to actually love children."
What does it mean to love your child
- Take it as it is.
- Try to eliminate all signs of constant disapproval of the child from your behavior.
- Do not impose a child accusation, but only to express feelings about his actions.
- Presenting the child to formulate that youwant would be from him and not
what would you do not want. - In conflict situations to give the opportunityfirst speak the child
only then - ourselves. - Refrain from harsh censures and from too stormy praise to the child's address - and then, the iRonoy prevents its proper self-esteem.
- Refuse to make a policy style andargumentyour child requirements.
- Get rid of the habit of "Turn on the voice to full volume" when the child's actions are annoyed.
- Learn to recognize the hidden questions of the child and give answers to them.
- Install partnerships with children and attract children to discuss important issues important for the whole family.
- Observe family traditions.
- Memo for parents
- *
Never use threats.
They weaken the inner "I" of the child. This is happening from such common promises: "You will do this again, and I will empty you - you can't sit!", "You will wait for me - I'll get squeezing", etc. They fill the soul of a child with a feeling of fear, helplessness, and sometimes hatred.
The fact is that children live only here. The threat of punishment in the future still does not act "with a reserve", and the negative reaction causes immediately. - * Never humiliate children.
You can not talk to a child:
"How can you be such a balb isgesome, a chatter, liar, bragging)?", "Do you have a head or kochan cabbage?", "You mowed worse pigs" and so on in the same spirit.
How many times have you insulted the child, so many times you hit his inner "me" - what the personality is developing. - * Never blow up your child.
A wealthy dad promises a first-grader's son, if he graduates with honors from school. Mom promises buy a toy if the child will obey the grandmother. The emphasis is postponed by parents with natural incentives - to pay knowledge, help grandmother - for mercenary interests, false relationships are established between actions and remuneration. You can get good markers in different ways: written off, bribing peers, which and homework will be done for it, and help control. Most often bribing the desire for knowledge do not awaken: goals are shifted. But it is, so to speak, a large bribe. In everyday use of small parenting "bribes": "Do not run around the store, behave well - I drink a gum." The child is being taken to manipulate himself, and then and then other people. Later it is already difficult to teach unattitude, respect for the rights, interests of other people. He firmly stands on the fact that if people are waiting for something from him, he should have something from them "something" - in no way otherwise. - * Never squeeze a promise from a child from a child not to do what you do not like.
And we often seek children so often: "Promise that it will not happen again! Well, I am waiting! I do not hear promises! " And the child promises. What does he stay? And then again does something. What you banned him. And we spend it: "You did not restrain the promise!"
But the most essential: children are dealing only with the present, they do not realize the future. If you force them to give promises, they will simply get used to avoid trouble with their help, without changing anything in their behavior. - * Never overload with a child's care.
This leads to the fact that the child begins to feel weaker and worse than other children who do not go to such an extent. His self-confidence decreases. Do not do for a child or for a child what he is able to do himself, let him not as well, as Mom does. - * One should never explain to the child too long if he himself does not ask on this topic of questions. It gives rise to children feeling that they are considered stupid, and causes boredom.
- *
Never require a child immediate and blind obedience. It is best to warn the child in advance about what you are going to demand from him.
For example: "You know, we will have to go together to the store - 10 minutes." Let him be a little time to abrupt and turn, if he wants. Freedom of expression of feelings leaves him with consciousness that they are considered with him. It is much better than the order according to the type of barrel: "Right! Let's go shopping". "Get up, I said to whom!"
The child is not a robot, but a person, and moreover, very wounded, with a fragile internal device. If he constantly has freedom of choice in reasonable limits, it grows in the atmosphere of respect for his personality, he will subsequently become a person with a developed sense of dignity, self-esteem and the same quality will appreciate in other people. In the same spirit, it will raise your own children. - *
Never indulge overly your children.
There are parents who are generally all the prohibitions consider too "tightening" personality, they prefer to allow children everything and, as a rule, become hostages of such liberal upbringing. No better for both children who grew without reasonable restrictions. The rules of life are represented by "rubber". Inevitably beyond the family, they stumble upon opposition to others. There is order at school: schedule of lessons, rules, mandatory for all students. And he has to be very difficult: the habit of making only what is pleasant and important to him alone has been strengthened. All this promises his life, complete conflicts, skirmishes - and in the service, and in the future family life. - *
Never back down from the rules and traditions introduced in the family, except in unusual cases.
Of course, these rules should create a reasonable order, unite and strengthen the family, and not reflect only the fleeting desires of adults. Changing, non-solid rules only confuse and confuse the child. He then does not understand what they want from him that it is impossible. - *
Never require a child of what he is not ready for age.
If from a five-year-old child to demand that only a ten-year-old is capable of, he will feel his helplessness and dislike to those who require him unbearable. *Never use methods that make a child feel "bad".This happens when parents inspire a child: "A good child does not do that. My mom and I are doing only for you, and here are how you pay for us, ungrateful! " etc.
The child is so "getting" these notations that it is simply "disconnected" from them or finds "blocking". I was able to hear how children, for example, are there any huddling teases? "Insult me \u200b\u200bat least a century. Anyway, I am a person, "they repeat as a spell. In any case, to improve in behavior, the label is "bad" label. - *
Never apply to the child teams whose execution is in fact you are not going to seek.
Discipline is an important component of children's education, but neither a culbage, nor whip it becomes. The essence of upbringing, in essence, could be expressed by a simple formula: parents teach children, and children learn. Learn a lot, but above all - to love and respect each other surrounding people.
All parents sincerely believe that they love their children. But sometimes you look at one family, and there adults are plunging all children's whims and go from the kids on occasion, look at another family, and there children are punished for the slightest areas and beat. And those and those parents argue that they love their children. Of course, love. In its own way. But it is not a fact that such love will affect the child. Rather, on the contrary - to destroy: children's psyche, curiousness, craving for life, confidence in parents and peace. What does the child really mean?
Secondly, then what is good for one child will be bad for another. That is why the clear instruction "What does that mean to love the child really" be and cannot. Mom who loves his child must listen to his intuition, maternal instinct and do the way it will be specifically for her child. So one of my acquaintance did not give a child to school when it was time. I decided to give a year later, because in her opinion, the child neither morally nor spiritually was ready for this event. Go towards the needs of the child, and does not seek to show everyone around "what a good mother I am" is a feat. And only a loving mother can make it.
Now about the friend, love is not only constantly going to meet the child. Sometimes you need to show severity. Will have power and excerpt. For example, if you banned something to your child, then no its hysteries and foul tears should make you make changing solutions. Otherwise you cannot become an authority for the child. And this is fraught with the fact that he will come out to your head and will become the main one in the family. A hierarchy and happiness will be offended in such a family will not be. Therefore, rigor is an integral part of education in love. Education in goodness.
Mom, who loves the child truly, is always his support and support. She always stands for him, even if the child is wrong. And then, alone, will educate / punish. For example, mom is called to school and at the child the teacher begins to talk badly about his behavior. On the change noise / ran / jumped. "That's right," Mom says, "I am very glad that I have such a movable child." He is athlete and I am proud of me. If his behavior is truly out of a series of outgoing, she will talk at home with him very seriously. Said that he is not right. Or punish, depending on the situation, as much as he has been guilty. But in front of other people will stand in the mountain. Then the child will know that Mom is a support and support in life, she can be trusted. But and "Ostukhan" can give, so it will be an authority for the child. All this applies to the Father, just because most of the upbringing still falls on women's shoulders, I speak more about Mama.
Mom, who knows what it means to love his child, is acting in advance and contrary to her mother's heart so. She is not afraid of condemnation from society or misunderstanding from loved ones. She is the main thing - the well-being of the child, because God hen in his hands a new life. And it does not have the right to make a mistake. Just love with all my heart. For real.
Someone this question may seem more than strange, but a thousand people around the world still ask them - how to love your child? Why do parents believe that they love not enough?
Why do children complain about their loneliness and a sense of unnecessariness? And is it normal - to be childfries? There are many questions, and all psychology has been answered to one degree or another.
How to reduce anxiety in a child? You will find on our website.
Love for children - what is it?
What does it mean - to love the child? Today they speak a lot and write about unconditional love.
This value and time ideal, in a sense, his philosophical characteristic. They say and write a lot, but do our parents understand what it is?
Unconditional lovecall the full adoption of your loved one. It is not easy, it requires work on oneself, certain soul forces.
This means that your child is the main love is not because he carefully plays a violin, he has beautiful brown eyes or because he is the smartest in the classroom.
Unconditional love is a complete adoption of a person as it is, just because he is your person. In this case, this is a complete adoption of the child, because you gave birth to him.
This is a matter of your life:from a small seed to grow personality. And you do not overlay your vision of the perfect child to your own child, and accept your descendant in his present appearance - not the most ideal, not always know how you are waiting for him.
Painful childbirth or the difficult period of the first months of the child's life could be a shock for a woman: And it is so strong that it does not allow her to restructure, realize the happiness of what happened.
If parents do not like a grown child Causes can also be different. Perhaps they do not like one child in contrast with another - the first clever, talented, cheerful. And the second stars from the sky is missing, there can not connect two words, and not the most pretty.
But the point is not in the child, but in your overwhelmed expectations. He is what it is, and he deserves your love just the fact of his birth: the birth of a child is like a guarantee for him that he will love. Throw off the cargo of our own hopes with a person who is just growing, just living his life.
Why do some parents do not like their children? The most common reason was not loved, and this experience, this model moved into their lives. It's hard to love when you don't know how. Many parents are infantile, although they do not realize this.
The child prevented their life plans: they threw the responsibility to the innocent child for not completed the university, did not fit the good job, did not live for themselves ...
But more truthful: The child knocked you out of his gaugeAnd you did not want to make the strength to go on the other. A huge number of parents received education with a child in her arms, he was their engine and a motivator.
Husband or guy does not want to start offspring
Again, maybe he does not know how it is to love.
Analyze what relationships were in his own family. Show him unobtrusively, as well as a child when Dad pays attention to him.
Until many men, the fact of paternity does not reach immediately: But if Dad helped the baby make the first steps, if the child learned to keep a spoon and collect a pyramid, a rare father will not receive his dose of happiness and pride.
In men in principle this feeling of love for children is not so strong - It is meant that the female desire to smile to the baby on the street, stroke a stranger in the head.
Many men for the first time experiencing a child with a child only when they appear their own.
AND put the stamp chadonenavyid a young guy just stupid "Although if he rapidly expresses his negative, there is a reason to think."
These are neurotic problems that may say that a person in principle does not know how to love, he is concentrated on himself and someone else's person is not value for him.
Why don't fathers love their children? And here there are a lot of reasons: for example, the child is unwanted. So it happens if the child has become a reason for marriage. Sometimes the parent seems to lose the love of the child when it is divorced with his mother.
Remember that love is also dar, talent, work, efforts.Not all people grow up, many live and literally bathe in their infantality and reluctance to respond not that for someone, but even for their own life.
Do you need to show feelings?
Banal - but for this they are born.
In order for a person to grew up healthy, and not a neurotic with a bunch of problems, he needs experience in love. Very many things in the future, he will build on the base that is laid in childhood.
Love feeds she gives a child confidence, determines the essence of its existence.
And it is not expressed not in the high cost of toys and the coolness of the organization of a children's birthday, but in everyday life - the most expensive thing you can give him, this is your time. As wisely noticed: For good education, the child is waiting for less money on him, but more time.
Childfries, pregnancy: "For and against". Psychology:
Disadvised Children - Consequences
The worst consequence - This is which they carry on with them in life.
This unloved child will feel guilty: one this feeling pushes on aggression, the other - on and the world as a whole, the third - to the desire all his life to prove anything about themselves.
In short nephtic growswho spend his life to fight windmills, will deny themselves in happiness.
Disadvised children - reasons and consequences:
If you did not like you in childhood in childhood, it does not mean that you do not learn. Try to change yourself and the usual, template attitude to things. The main thing is to want change.
What if the child is annoying?
Start with the fact that this is your problem, not a child. He is what it is.
He has a small life experience, To change in favor of people.
Denote in itself specifically what you do not like. Think if it is possible to send it and finally, whether it is necessary to do it. Do you want to make it up for yourself? Are you sure it will be good for him?
Trust him - listen at least not interrupting, not learning. If your family talks to souls are not practiced, this is already a great parental omission.
Look at your child - this is your creation, it is exactly 50% of you and 50% of the person you have ever loved.
He did not ask for his birth "You promised to love him, because you gave birth to him." Don't you want to love what created you? Perhaps you have problems with self-esteem and perception of yourself.
How to treat obsessive movement syndrome in a child? Learn right now.
How to love the child? Find out of the video:
How to take it as it is?
You got a little man, absolutely helpless and non-meaningful Without an adult nearby. You taught him to walk, eat, talk, read, you gave him a whole world.
Where is the point when you stopped? When you exhaled and said - well, everything is enough, now you yourself. Why did this happen?
Even at twelve he is just a child. He learned to keep and learning worse than the son of a friend. He is awkward, does not want to read books and sits in a clock tablet. But here is an amazing thing, there are no children who do not need anything.
There are no children who do not want to learn - knowledge is the basic need of a child at the physiological level, the key to survival. And he burst into the tablet and does not want to communicate with you not because such an adult and made a choice, they say, I am such a person, I do not need anyone and nothing, you all ...
He simply does not know how to designate what he: Lones, do not hear him, they are not interested sincerely, etc. He is still small to convey his pain. But you are enough adult to understand your child.
Do not lower your hands- Work. The main thing will want to help him and not be afraid to demonstrate his love. She needs all people on earth, and a twelve-year-old teenager too.
How to love the foster baby?
This is the problem of a different plan: to such parents need to be prepared.
And when the child is already in the family, to understand - he is yours. Such which is. And you must learn it in the same fact as native. I love you for being with us.
One simple example. Belarusian actor Pavel Harlanchuk brings up two receptions of children and three relatives. The adopted boy did not take a long time in the family for a long time, and once said - take me to my grandmother, I do not want to live with you.
Miscellaneous Situation Parents did not understand: you want, come on, so you will be better. And almost rearing grandmother, the father stopped the car. He saw the frightened eyes of a child, awareness of the inevitable and in fact - unwanted.
Paul said to his son: "Well, what are you ... Well, how will we give you? We will not give you to anyone, because you are our son. We love you. We will not give your child to anyone. " And unfolded the car. The wall was brushed. The boy saw that love that every child was needed on Earth.
How to love the adoptive child? Tips in this video:
What if the Son or Daughter does not like mom?
Probably, you have big expectations. Forms of manifestation of love are different - and guess the one you need, the child is still to learn.
Remember that children are not followed by our words, but our examples. There is nothing to educate: they will still repeat everything for us.
And you are sure that they demonstrate his love? Not care, feeding and filling the cabinet things, namely love?
Love for a child is also a physiological need. But it is difficult for him to show his love for his mother too demanding, rough, not tolerating actions not in his template.
And it will hard to make even an adult person. Maybe for you manifestations of his love -
Psychologies:
Julia HippenReuter: This means satisfying one of its most important needs. Every person, regardless of age, it is necessary to love him, understood, recognized, respected that he felt necessary. And the child without love just can not normally develop. And how he will perceive himself throughout his life - his self-esteem - largely depends on how satisfied his need for love.
What gives him parental love, why is it important?
A small child does not know anything about himself, he sees himself as much as close to him. Every appeal to the child - in a word, intonation, gesture, even silence - we inform him something about him. From the repetitive signs of approval, love and adoption in the child there is a feeling of "good", and from the signals of condemnation, displeasure, critics - the feeling of something wrong with me "," I'm bad. " Punishment The child perceives as a message "You're bad!", Criticize - "You can't!", Inbotation - "I have no case before you" or even "I do not like you."
Therefore, taking care of the security of a child, his upbringing, success in studying, we must be aware of what message we send him now. The younger child, the stronger the influence of the information he receives from us. Fortunately, with young children, parents are usually more affectionate and attentive. But as the child grows, we strongerly strive to "educate" him and often do not think about how much he needs our warmth, acceptance and approval. We simply do not focus their attention on how we appeal to children. And they always understand us literally, and the tone, as the words they say, it is more important for them. If the tone is sharp, angry, even just strict, the child concludes: "They don't like me," "I don't need it."
Children are so much confident in our relationship?
Yes, not sure. They calculate any manifestations of our love, they have their own, emotional accounting. They compare all the time: "Brother gave the flower - Mom was delighted, I gave up less," "Pope Mom loves more than me," "Guests shed tea, Mom said - nothing, and I shed - they scored me" ...
They are very lacking external "signals" of love. But a positive attitude towards himself is the basis of human psychological survival. Therefore, the child is constantly looking for our love, fighting for her, looking for confirmation that he is good.
So how do parents express their love?
Speaking more warm words: "I feel good with you," "I am glad to see you," "It's good that you came," I like, like you ... "," I missed you "," How good you are There are us. " No need to forget and hug a child, to attack it. American Family Psychotherapist Virginia Satir recommended hugging a child several times a day, saying that four hugs are needed to each person just for survival, and for good well-being needed at least eight hugs per day.
Love not "for the fact that he ..." or "if he ...", and simply because he is
Children have the need to "recharge" by our love: So, a very small child who has just learned to walk, returns to his mother, presses her knees - and goes on to play, explore the world. And he is not scary, because he is sure: Mom here, not far, she loves him and can protect. With the age of the form "recharging" change: it is a family tea party, and reading before bedtime, and just a conversation, joint gatherings ... These family rituals are needed to feel: we are together.
But how to be with the upbringing? Hugging, praise - and not to scold for bad actions, not punish if he did something?
Unfortunately, many parents are confident that the main (if not the only) educational funds are awards and punishment, gingerbread and whip. But education is not a dressura, and parents exist not to produce conditional reflexes in children. First of all, you need to build a human relationship with a child. Before you raise it, criticize or punish the actions that we do not like, you need to learn the unconditional adoption of the child.
Mom says daughter: "If you are a good girl, I will love you." But love is not a product and not money. For the psychological well-being, the child needs confidence that our love is not evaluated and does not depend on some conditions. We love him not "for what he ..." And not "only if he ...", but simply because he is. Only on the background of unconditional adoption is possible everything else: to educate, negotiate, establish discipline, even punish, if there is a need for this.
Can parent love be too much?
The question is that we understand under the word "love." Yanush Korchak wrote: "It depends on the mother, it will give her baby or donkey to the child." What does it mean to "give udder"? It is just too much love, but such that does not benefit. After all, growing a child, we help him become a person, that is, we learn to be guided not only by instincts and the desire to enjoy. We can not not put him restrictions necessary for its good.
We put all the strength and funds in it ... To let go of it
But some parents are difficult to do it - they are afraid to upset the child and are ready to satisfy any of his desires to be good. However, in fact, they do not help him become a man, they "give udder": borrowed by gentlemen who are pleasant to them by themselves, push food into it, protect from cold, heat, heat, microbes, bad influences, go to his life with obsessive concern and anxiety. When the child does not see a person with its independent needs worthy of attention and respect, but they see only their blind devotion to him, his animal feeling is not the same love in which he needs. This love for the child is responsible, respectful and friendly - there is no much.
You talk about love for the child as a separate concept. What is the difference between this feeling from other his species, for example, from love between adults?
Yes, love for the child is a very special kind of feeling. We can't love him, as you love a man or a woman, - at least because the child we will never have fully. In addition, we love him, knowing that sooner or later he will leave us to create his family (because the thought herself herself that his beloved husband or wife leaves us, for us is unacceptable).
We put all the strength and money in the child ... To let go of an independent life. Although in the "adult" love there are many different sides: in addition to, for example, sexual, there is a purely human. Only in this sense, the relationship between men and women and parental relationships with the child do not differ in principle: it is the same interaction of two people.
What is important in the human aspect of relations between adults and child?
This is an understanding, respect for personality, trust. Some parents are afraid to reveal, tell us about what they feel. They avoid trusting relationships from fear losing their authority. But when we openly and sincerely express our feelings, children see that we are also living people - and, in turn, begin to trust us.
In my book, I cite an example, a letter of one mother, who, seeing that the Son jershits on his father, said: "I see that it is difficult for you without dad, and it is also difficult for me. Would you have dad, and my husband would have to live much more interesting. " Mom entrusted his boyfriend's worker, both became easier, they got close to. Rated like a man and a woman? Of course not. How is mother and child? Also no. How then then? Just like two people. In fact, with a child, you must first be friends. Yes, he is younger than us, he knows less, he has less experience, we are responsible for him. But he is our friend.
Try to close your eyes and imagine that you meet your best friend or girlfriend. How do you show that we are glad that he is the roads and close? And now imagine that this is your child: here it comes from the school home, and you show that I am glad to see him. Presented? Then try to do it in fact. Do not be afraid that "spoil" him in these moments. It is simply impossible.
About expert
Julia Hippenreiter- Doctor of Psychological Sciences, Professor of the Faculty of Psychology of Moscow State University, the author of bestseller "communicate with the child. How?".